come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
