Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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