I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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