I heard we made out
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize