I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
