I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
