You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
