I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish I only lived at night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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