Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You are a genius and a whore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
