I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
