just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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