Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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