im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
