when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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