i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
