haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
