Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
