i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You did what with his pubic hair?
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