i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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