oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have grass duct taped all over my body
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
