my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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