I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
