I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just googled if crying burns calories
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
