She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
