Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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