i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
