so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
