She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
