I've blown a few things in my day
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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