Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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