At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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