it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
