yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
