While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
