Where are you?
In a non slutty way
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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