I'm really into asian looking animals
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
