Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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