i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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