so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
