you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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