I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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