Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
