are you so shy because you have an std?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
