I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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