Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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