I hope my margaritas pass through security.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
