I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
