the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
