im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
