is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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