He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
