i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
