real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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