is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize