census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
