Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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