Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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