yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
