WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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