I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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