I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
