Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
