using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize