She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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